Ego Is the Enemy: The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent

Holiday’s title question borrows author Robert Greene’s concept of “alive time,” or time spent learning and acting, and “dead time,” when people are inactive. He explains that at 21 years old, Malcolm X was sentenced to prison for theft and soon chose to fill his prison sentence with “alive time” by dedicating himself to studying religion, history, and philosophy. Malcolm X absorbed as much knowledge as he could, even copying down the dictionary; Holiday claims that “prison was his college” (171).

Holiday argues that Malcolm X’s humility and openness to learning helped him transform his life and, ultimately, become a force for change in American culture. The author praises Malcolm X for having the will to reinvent himself with his “alive time” rather than resigning himself to life as a criminal and encourages the reader to do the same.

Belisarius was an incredibly talented and effective Roman military general who served Emperor Justinian. In spite of his excellent service, a “paranoid” Justinian did not reward Belisarius but continually sidelined him and eventually fired him, took his wealth, and blinded him (176). Holiday claims that Belisarius saw his work as his “sacred duty” and never had ambitions to vie for the throne (176). The author admires Belisarius’s commitment in spite of the lack of rewards and encourages the reader to emulate his dedication and humility.

Holiday argues that most people have little control over how their work is received or recognized and asks the reader to consider all of the valuable contributions made by people who were not celebrated in their lifetimes. Holiday coaches the reader to accept failure and rejection by focusing on the value of their efforts, rather than allowing their self-esteem to depend on others’ acceptance.

Most people experience a sort of “rock bottom” in their lives. In Greek mythology, this experience is referred to as “katabasis,” or “going down,” and characters are transformed by these negative experiences and come out with “heightened knowledge and understanding” (183). Holiday argues that the bigger people allow their egos to become, the more devastating their “katabasis” will be.

Whether “self-inflicted” or not, these difficult times can be sources of positive transformations if people are able to accept the uncomfortable truths their katabasis reveals about themselves. Sometimes egotistical people engage in denial or double down on their misdeeds in order to avoid the discomfort of the truth. For instance, cyclist Lance Armstrong cheated for years, and when his lies were exposed, his behavior worsened, and he attacked others. When people are able to admit their mistakes and reflect on criticism honestly, they are likely to gain perspective and improve themselves.

The author ponders how egotistical people respond to adversity, claiming that the ego propels people to make rash, selfish decisions that worsen their lives in the end. For instance, businessman John DeLorean tried to save his failing company by involving himself in a drug deal. Similarly, American Apparel founder Dov Charney refused to acknowledge his role in the company’s downturn and rejected an offer to be a creative consultant instead of the CEO. He sued the company, which soon went bankrupt, as he also did.

On the other hand, Steve Jobs was upset by his firing from Apple, but was able to reform himself and channeled his creativity into a new company, Pixar. Holiday claims that these stories show the wisdom of disengaging from conflict instead of becoming further entrenched in it. He writes, “When success begins to slip from your fingers—for whatever reason—the response isn’t to grip and claw so hard that you shatter it to pieces” (193).

Successful people spend more time reflecting on their failures than their successes and, in doing so, learn valuable lessons for the future. While they may aim to win on the “external scoreboard,” they regard the “inner scoreboard,” or their own conscience, as equally important. Holiday maintains that this “inner scoreboard” helps people navigate situations that may seem like moral gray areas, such as actions that are harmful but not illegal. The author reiterates that dwelling on what went well only increases pride and does not help self-improvement and that people must overcome their ego by increasing their standards.

Holiday argues that fighting against something sometimes brings consequences worse than the initial problem itself. For instance, William Hearst fought against the release of the film Citizen Kane, which he felt portrayed him in a bad light. In doing so, he harassed the director, Orson Welles, and damaged the film’s commercial chances. Ultimately, Hearst was “reviled” for these efforts, and Citizen Kane is now considered one of the best films ever made (202).

Holiday argues that reacting to offenses and annoyance with love is both more ethical and strategic. He points to President Nixon, who was reelected after the Watergate scandal but did “more damage to himself than anyone else could” by continuing to attack reporters and critics of his administration (203). The author contrasts this attitude with Frederick Douglass’s response to discrimination, which he felt degraded the racists more than it degraded him. Holiday agrees with Dr. Martin Luther King’s assessment that hatred is like an “eroding acid” that corrodes people’s well-being and therefore must be avoided (204). Moreover, people’s obsession with past mistreatment is “ego embodied,” and Holiday argues that if people replace hate with self-reflection, they will be able to move on (206).

Holiday reiterates that failure is a better teacher than success and that learning from missteps is the best way to cope with failure. He argues that aspiration and success inevitably create challenges and some failure and that by rejecting the ego and embracing humility and learning, people can return to the beginning of this loop and aspire again.

The author contends that managing one’s ego is an ongoing, daily necessity for everyone. He borrows his friend Daniele Bolleli’s analogy, comparing managing one’s ego to sweeping the floor since dust, like egotistical thoughts, returns every day. Holiday reflects on how his former boss, Dov Charney, ruined his own company by fighting his board of directors. This “sad moment” was a learning opportunity for Holiday, who felt that if Charney had overcome his ego, he could have made the best of the situation (212). Holiday shares the challenges and frustrations of writing this book; he had to quell his ego’s reactions to rejected proposals and drafts. His “therapeutic device” was to shred his old drafts and compost them, making something useful out of his failure (212).

As a young man, Holiday had read a passage in a novel about a successful character who becomes sick with self-obsession and pointless extravagance. In spite of being moved by the passage at the time, Holiday made similar choices to that character and nearly experienced similar consequences, too. The author points out that he “swept once and thought it was enough” and that managing one’s ego is a continual effort rather than one realization (215). Holiday hopes that the reader continues to become a better person and “sweep the floor every minute of every day” as they experience aspiration, success, and failure (216).